Hi, it’s me again. I don’t know how to start this letter because there’s so much I want to say but then again I don’t want to think about it all over again, because every time my thoughts lead back to you all I do is cry. I don’t remember ever crying this much. I don’t remember being so hurt over something so small, or what should be pointless. I don’t remember how much it hurts to feel sad. And most importantly, I don’t remember how to get over someone.
I know I can’t blame myself. At times I wonder if it was me. Was it my fault for not being able to wait? Was it my fault for being needy? But no, it is your fault. You knew since the very first day what you were getting yourself into. You knew you were going to be occupied with many other parts of your lives and you didn’t need someone else, aka me to slow it down. You knew you were going to be busy with school and your career. You knew all of this, yet you tried. You knew I didn’t want anything serious. You knew I didn’t want to get to know someone. You knew I didn’t want to fall, but you still tried. You knew all of this and you still went in it, pretending like it didn’t matter.
You knew my past. You knew I closed up. You knew how hard it was for me to open up, and I did.. for you. You knew all this and you still broke me. I had so much faith in you. I really did. The last thing I thought you’d do was break my heart, and the last person I thought would do that was you. I mean, you apologized for hurting me but is that supposed to mend my heart? Is that supposed to make me feel any better than you did just walk away? It’s like you were in the middle of fixing what was broken but you stopped because you got tired. Or should I say busy?
I get that you’re busy. I really do. But how are you too busy to even acknowledge my existent? It’s like you tried so hard in the beginning and then you stopped because you knew you had me. It just doesn’t make sense. This doesn’t make sense. You don’t make sense. There must be something you are not saying but I don’t even want to spend too much time wondering about it because that will drive me crazy. It will make me insane.
I told you Thursday night that I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t take that you were busy all the time. I told you that I liked you, a lot but I couldn’t put myself in the position of getting hurt again. And then you said the most hurtful thing. You said you won’t hurt me and you never will. And then you told me that you’d try to talk to me more and make more time. You gave me hope that maybe, just maybe things could be mended. And for the first time in almost two weeks, I was able to sleep soundly and peacefully.
The next day we saw each other and it was as if you didn’t even have anything to say to me. Hi, bye. And that hurt. That hurt so much. I couldn’t believe we couldn’t even greet each other properly. We were sitting in the cafeteria and all I could do was steal glances and hope you were looking at me too. And then I got the text message. That you couldn’t do it anymore either. I’ve reread that message so many times, I have it memorized. You said you didn’t want to drag it on any longer because you didn’t want me to get hurt. You told me I was a great girl and I didn’t deserve you acting like this. And then you told me you weren’t in a place for this right now. But you knew since the beginning you weren’t, so why did you start it? I didn’t realize my cheeks were already wet after I read the first sentence. I didn’t know someone could break your heart in just a few words. I mean, I saw it coming but I still had a small amount of hope that maybe you’d try harder. Oh, and I had thought maybe I was worth more than just a paragraph of your time.
It sickens me that night when I couldn’t stop crying, that the only person I wish would hold me and tell me it’ll get better was you. I really didn’t think I’d let something like this break me or affect me this much, but it’s always the ones you don’t think mean anything, right? You always told me you loved my eyes, maybe that’s because my eyes were always smiling with you. Now they are droopy, because I haven’t been able to sleep and I haven’t been able to keep them dry.
I keep trying to tell myself that I meant something to you, but I don’t think I ever did. Maybe everything you said were lies. Maybe none of it was real. Did you mean anything that you said to me, or anything that you did? I trusted you. I believed in you. I wanted to be mended because of you. And I still think about you so much, and I wish you would think about me too but I know you don’t. I don’t even think you care. I don’t think the thought of me even crosses your mind The worse thing is that all of this matters so much to me, but it probably never did to you. I just want to know if any of you, was real.
I tried to leave first but you didn’t let me. And then you took the chance to run when I thought you were going to fight for this. I don’t even like fighting but I was willing to do it for you. Over the past two weeks, little by little parts of my heart were chipping away. Now, you have officially finished breaking my heart. Can your ‘sorry’ fix that?
When will this pass? Everyone tells me the same thing, it’s going to be okay and you’ll get over it. I know it will but right now it feels like it’s going to be for a long time. But I fear that while I am hurting, you are out there finding someone else. And that’s okay too I guess. But don’t forget me. Please just remember me, for I don’t think I can forget you, or forget this. Please just remember me.
Ming D. Liu, A Letter To T pt. II
My mood totally goes up and down in this letter man.(via mingdliu)
Spring by Michael Faudet
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140301 IS MY PARTY
I think there comes a time when you meet someone and you just want to make them smile for the rest of your life.
I’ve fallen so hard for you, that if I ever lose you, I’ll lose myself.
They told me that to make her fall in love, I had to make her laugh. But everytime she laughs, I’m the one who falls in love.
Witness The AUF Repertory Theater ensembles, as they give life to the story of two mythical birds, The Sarimanok VS The Ibong Adarna.
Play dates are as follow;
March 3 - ENG 3PM FIL 5PM
March 5 - FIL 3PM ENG 5PM
March 7 - ENG 3PM FIL 5PM
March 12 - FIL 3PM ENG 5PM
March 13 - ENG 3PM FIL 5PM
For ticket inquiries, please visit Center for Culture and the Arts Office (CCA). See you there! 🌸